I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
