i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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