She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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