she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
