so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
