It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
