You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
