im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
