im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
