why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
