Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
