I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
