i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
