i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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