i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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