I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
