Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
