all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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