Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
