pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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