You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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