I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
