wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
