I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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