I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She bit a glass in half.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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