My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
