Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
