Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
