Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
