she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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