so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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