I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
