I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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