i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
