Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
