You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
