I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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