I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Say something about gay babies.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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