please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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