Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
