Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
