I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
