so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
