if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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