the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
