She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
