I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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