If that was your dad, he is hot
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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