so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
