Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
