he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
