i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
