lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
