and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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