Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
