he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
