I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is wine microwaveable?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
