Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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