And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
