I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
