I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
