Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
