So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
