She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
