dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
