I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
