If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
