No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He did a backflip because drugs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize