Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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