Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
