i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
