Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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