what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
