it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
