i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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