I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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