Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
