I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
