I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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