So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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