If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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