Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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