why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want her autograph on my taint
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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