She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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