I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
