people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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